2009 Top Finishers:

Holger: 2009 TDF Winner + Current Amber Jersey

Training on a non-stop diet of bratwurst, count on Holger to be sporting spandex lederhosen. His last man standing strategy won him top honors and the overall win for the 2009 Tour after a series of bizarre legal maneuvers and counter challenges knocked out his closest competitors.

Pat

Pat is Irish, thus placing near the top of the points board.

Austen

An avid cyclist, Austen wishes for peace on earth and horsepower. He owns a one-eyed kangaroo named Lucky. Austen’s performance in the fourth Stage earned him the stage’s Amber Jersey and a place near the top of the points board.

Dean

A veteran racer, Dean loves sunshine and the feeling of sand between his toes. He also has eleven toes, who knew?

Tom

Although Irish, Tom can rarely be incited to mindless violence unless he is listening to Kraftwerk. Although dropping out of the final stage of the TDF, Tom earned top points on purchasing an airline ticket and then not using it. Impressive for a recession.

Werner

Werner Schmidt is a ten year veteran and a founding member of “Tour de Biergarten” in Germany. He inexplicably enjoys the sound of the tuba and is currently involved with an infringement lawsuit filed against the organizers of the Tour de Froth. His impressive fifth stage performance was enough to get him near the top of the points board and then he was disqualified

Victor

Victor Morduev of Khabarovsk Russia regularly travels back and forth to Russia in order to smuggle vodka and caviar into the US. A millionaire at age 30, his import/export business has made him a local favorite with customs agents and taxi cab drivers. Victor worked his way to near the top of the points board with an impressive series of flat tires. He was ultimately disqualified.

The riders listed may or may not be disqualified.